Zakk reviews “Celebrity Culture” by Duncan P. Bradshaw. 120 pages published by EyeCue Productions.
“To the vapid real life celebrity culture that provides stupid people with distractions to the sheer brutality and futility of existence, this one is for you.”
It’s the thirteenth annual Lou Gehrig awards. Four B-list celebrity virologists vie to claim the Locked In Syndrome cup and get mulched down to form their disease for mass distribution.
A disease hipster takes centre stage on a night when a blast from the past threatens to turn his ordered, pus filled life upside down. In order to blow open a deep rooted conspiracy, he must team up with a disgraced one time child star who wants another shot at the big time, and clear his sullied name.
Together, they’re going to show people the real meaning of a meltdown.
“No-one knows what they’re doing with all that celebrity culture they’ve accumulated over the last thirteen years. Knowing Turk though, it can only be a bad thing. That’s why I’m back, I’m going to break this motherfucker right open. You see, there’s a loophole in the nomination process, I’m going to exploit it and take back what was rightfully mine. I’m going to show the world how diseases should be.”
What the fuck did I just read? My left eye is beginning to stitch and I think a sausage might be coming on. My phalanges are numb but only when I touch them.
Remember when growing up, you’ve hit that age where you’re taller every day, you wobble everywhere you go, not because you’re drunk but because your limbs are different lengths, your center mass is constantly changing. Maybe you’ve hit that age where you want to be drunk (it’s different for every body) and that only makes balance worse. Anyway, you’ve hit THAT age, you haven’t seen your grandmother in a while and when she opens the door she squeals with excitement, hugs you and pokes/ pinches you in the belly…. except it isn’t your belly anymore because you’ve grown exponentially. Not malicious by any means but it is an awkward poke. A game changing pinch. A not so Gentile reminder that the world is different and the way you perceive it is even more so.
This book is an awkward poke. Is it a game changing pinch? No, not really, not for me anyway. It’s a tickle when you’re expecting a slap, a 2 X 4 when you’re expecting a… I don’t know what you might be expecting, a finger in the eye? Or maybe somewhere more pleasurable? Weirdo.
All I know is, if you’ve willingly picked up this book then you probably have a twisted streak running through you, maybe even a twisted river… where strange baptisms are performed and you are probably going to dig this.
Look, full disclosure: I’m not a fan of Bizarro fiction. And yes, I knew exactly what kind of read this was when I picked it up. Did I hate it? No, I didn’t hate it. Has it sparked an interest in delving a bit deeper in the Bizarro world of fiction (besides the two books from that one guy that I’ve been wanting to read), I can’t say it has. But I found Celebrity Culture to be rather entertaining.
It is a sharp bite at a world (an America?) that has become overly obsessed with elite personalities. People who wouldn’t defacate on you to save your life… unless there’s a profit to be made. Or a chance to parlay that into a shoe deal, but holy shit look at what they’re wearing!! Look at what they’re going to be selling me tomorrow!! Yeezus Christ…
What Celebrity Culture has done for me is to spark a urgency to get to a couple of titles I’ve been sitting on far to long. Mr. Bradshaw’s Class Three & Class Four. From what I can tell of Duncan’s style, a book from him that is geared towards me should be pretty great. I sincerely hope they have the same kind of bite as Celebrity Culture.
“’Wait a minute!’ the man with no forehead exclaimed, ‘You’ve changed tense on me, how bloody dare you.'”
Overall personal score: Where’s My Xanax?
Weighted bizarro score: I haven’t the foggiest.
Zakk is a big dumb animal!
**Note: You might be asking yourself “Why would he choose to buy and read a Bizarro title when he doesn’t like Bizarro fiction?” I bought this to throw some support to an author who has supported me in what I do, by way of free copies of books to friendly conversation. I stand behind that and this is a worthy purchase.